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For better or worse, my wife and I have always been people of pursuit. Throughout our twenties, we pursued careers, home ownership, a family, and so forth – and by God’s grace were blessed in those areas. That’s the better of it. The worse of it is I feel we aren’t great at truly being in the moment and savoring it; instead always looking ahead to build what’s next. If we were runners in a race, we were always thinking about the next turn and how our steps could get there. So when I got laid off, my first instinct would be to immediately pursue the next job, but ironically enough, perhaps this is a good time to slow down, be in the moment, and remain still. To many (and myself even), this may sound anti-productive, but my intentions are to rejuvenate, make good decisions, and – most importantly – have clarity of God’s plan, and that’s impossible with too much noise.
Rejuvenate
The past few years – and the last twelve months especially – I have grown less joyful, more tense, and plagued with anxiety attacks. A large source of that was my work routine, which didn’t match up to the lifestyle and priorities I valued: time with family, a slower paced lifestyle, and simplicity. Because of this dissatisfaction, I was always looking ahead to see how we could change it, but it was like trying to change the tires on a moving car. Now, I can take time to be in my thoughts, explore, and experience the results – modifying when need be; however, it’s been so long since I’ve been afforded the time to do this, I first need to rid myself of the toxicity that has built up, and refuel with the things that fulfill me. Despite internal or societal pressures, I’ve had to constantly remind myself that the real objective isn’t to get back to work, it’s to get back to being my true self. Way before ever losing my job, I lost myself – and that is what needs to be fixed.
Make Good Decisions
Believe me, I’ve had moments of doubt. Am I crazy for not immediately getting myself back out there? Would my career lose momentum? But then, a friend reached out to me via text, and said this:
My friend was unemployed a few years back – pre-married, pre-kids – and he’s right. In hindsight, he recognized that he had an opportunity to make a shift, if he wanted – a shift that becomes harder to do as time goes on, families grow, and the work you’ve settled into becomes a comfortable norm, regardless of whether or not you’re fulfilled by it. I am now in the midst of that opportunity, and I want to be smart about it. Not smart in a strategic, career-centered sense, but smart in how my work influences my health, my family, and the values we hold. So, in order to not fall back on my bad habits of eagerly pursuing, and thus making haphazard decisions, I made a rule for myself:
If I start to do anything based on panic, I immediately stop and do the opposite.
I leave no room for thought nor consideration. If I sense a twinge of anxiety fueling my actions, I immediately shut down. The goal being to reprogram myself so my habit of pursuit is replaced with the instinct of stillness. So if I start to open LinkedIn or the Glassdoor app, I quickly lock my phone and put it in another room, because I really don’t know what a good opportunity looks like yet. If I open my resume to start cleaning it up, I instantly shut my laptop and go do a chore, because I don’t feel ready to package myself yet. If I concoct an idea to pursue on my own, I jot it down as a quick note to save for later, and go play with my kids instead. Like all good work, preparation is required. Athletes train, farmers till the land, and painters tape off edges. I know a smart decisions will come from a rejuvenated, clear mind, so I’m simply preparing the soil before planting any seeds.
Clarity of God’s Plan
While growing a lot in my faith the last 15 years (the same duration that I’ve been working), one area I have always struggled with is stillness. It’s paradoxical to think remaining still leads to progress, but there are countless moments in scripture where God puts people on hold to prepare them for the more important work at hand:
Moses and the Israelites wander the desert 40 years before finally returning to the land they were promised.
Joseph spends years imprisoned before becoming vizier to pharaoh and saving Egypt.
Even Jesus removed himself from the crowds on many occasions to seek isolation and stillness (Mark 1:12, 16, 35, 2:13, 3:16… and so on).
The point of this pause? Intimacy. Intimacy with our creator, His will, His providence, and the specific plan He has for us. And like with any relationship, that intimacy leads to clarity. When you spend time to have date night with your spouse, you understand each other better, and function better as a unit. When teammates bond off the field, they know each other better and their chemistry on the field improves. Our relationship with God is no different.
Part of the anxiety I mentioned feeling before was due to the fact that I felt the path my family and I were on – although well-intentioned – was not the right one. We were caught up in a rat race that lacked fulfillment, not only personally, but in living out a life that honored God’s plan. So as this new race gets underway, it would be wise to start with Him – and understand that every race begins with the runners standing still.
Darren Brazil 